


Coming of Age

by GSKashmir



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Trans Character, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-10 19:48:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11133522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GSKashmir/pseuds/GSKashmir
Summary: Steven isn't happy. He hasn't been since Beach-a-palooza and he can't figure out why. Nobody he knows could help him with everything that's going on except for the one person who he was with that night more than anyone else: Sadie.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I posted this on fanfiction.net a while ago. It was cathartic to write for me, as a trans person. If you're not a fan of trans main characters, maybe skip this one. I get it if you don't want to read that, it's some major screwing with the main character and who they are as a person. Anyway, a long time ago, I read on a reddit thread the phrase "all gems are female" and this idea hit me. If you're going through anything like what I'm going through, I hope this can help you out.

Inside the temple, the vast and cloudy pinkness of Rose’s room was interrupted only by a small child lying on a plain looking bed with sheets that matched the endless horizon that surrounded them. Steven lay on his back, wearing his standard pink shirt with the yellow star, his arms clutching one of his many stuffed bears. He was ruminating on a multitude of events that occurred since he was born. Exactly why, he wasn’t certain, but he was considering them nonetheless. Though, his mind lingered on one that he unknowingly deemed more important than the others; Beach-a-palooza. It had been a little more than a year since it all happened, but he found himself often dreaming of that day. At least once a week, his slumbering mind would bring him back to that moment, when he told Sadie something that kept making him unsure about everything he knew.

“I don’t wanna do this!” Sadie had shouted at him all those months ago, upset and anxious about everything that was going on.

“You never did. I- It was always me…” Steven had replied.

Why had he said that? For that matter, why did he do everything he did that day? He began to think about the rest of that day. Forcing everything onto Sadie, the dresses, the dancing, the makeup. That wasn’t normal Steven Universe behavior. Even he could realize that. He wouldn’t force the gems to watch Crying Breakfast Friends with him if they didn’t want to, he never tried to make anyone do anything they didn’t like unless there was no other option. That whole day was one giant exception to that. And it confused him. But what got to him the most was what happened later in that evening.

After the festival, Steven was walking home en femme. He wasn’t sure why he did it, but for some reason, it made him feel different. Not bad, though. If anything, he could say he felt a bit more relaxed. At least, he felt that way until he started running into other people who saw him at the concert. First, it was Sour Cream and Buck. Both of them were happy to see him, commenting on how funny his act was. The comment stung. Steven didn’t intend for anything about it to be funny, he was just enjoying himself. But he played it off and kept walking, his tiny heels clicking on the pavement.

His smile faded slowly as he walked, everyone he bumped into said the same thing. “You were hilarious, Steven!” “Your drag routine was hysterical!” “That was so funny!” It never stopped stinging any time it was said. He knew that nobody meant any harm, and to be quite honest with himself, he wasn’t sure why it hurt. But then he came across Lars, who wore a large scowl on his face.

Steven approached slowly, his face growing wary. Surprisingly, Lars didn’t yell at Steven for doing something weird. He yelled at him for doing something that Lars deemed offensive.

 

“Steven, what’s wrong with you?!” Lars shouted, his face contorting into disgust.

“What…? Nothing, I just-” But Steven was cut off.

“This isn’t something you should just be joking about like that! You could have hurt someone’s feelings!” Lars’ behavior was extremely strange. Normally he never cared about someone’s feelings.

“What?! No, Lars, Sadie didn’t-” Again, his rebuttal was interrupted.

“Don’t try to excuse yourself, this was in really bad taste man, I thought you were better than this.” He started walking off, having said all he cared to say. Though he slipped in one last nugget as he put his hands in his pockets and proceeded down the street, away from the kid.

“I thought you were one of the good guys…”

 

Steven squeezed his stuffed animal, a frown on his face. What did all of that mean? Why was he so upset about it? Why didn’t he like that people found it funny? Why was Lars so offended by it? He had so many questions that he didn’t have any answers to. He wished he could close his eyes and all his weird thoughts and feelings would just disappear, but the room wasn’t able to fulfill that kind of wish. No, these problems had to be talked out. But he wasn’t sure who he could talk to about any of this.

This was one of the bigger issues Steven had to figure out. His first thought was to talk to the gems. They always seemed to be able to help him when he needed it. But usually it was about gem things. This seemed to be more like a human thing, and he knew they were out of their depth when it came to human things. There was Connie, but his issues were putting him on edge about talking to her about it. Even though she was his best friend, he didn’t want to put her through the weird things he was feeling. His dad might be able to do something to help, but most of what was on his mind seemed kind of embarrassing, especially considering that others thought what he did was funny. Steven didn’t think it was funny at all. But almost everyone he talked to disagreed. Except for Lars, of course, but Lars was legitimately mad at Steven for what he did, so that option wasn’t on the table. Steven needed someone who didn’t think what he did was funny, who wouldn’t judge him, but knew enough that they might help him in some possible way.

It took him a few more minutes, but eventually, he sat up in his bed with an idea. Quickly, he pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts until he got to the letter S. He shot off a text and waited impatiently. Soon after, a text found its way into his inbox. This happened, back and forth between the two for a while.

 

hey sadie

Oh, hey Steven, what’s up?

are you busy? I dont want to bother you at work

No, I actually have the day off today, so I’m free all this afternoon.

thats good! hey listen can I come over? I wanted to talk to you

Gee, Steven, I don’t know. Remember last time? I’m still kinda reeling from all of that.

please sadie, I need to talk to someone and you might be the only one who can help me

Well darn, Steven, when you put it that way, sure. Give me a few minutes to clean up. Is everything ok?

I dont know

 

Steven slid his phone back into his pocket and hopped off the bed, stuffed bear in hand. He summoned the door back into the beach house and walked through the gateway. His expression and general attitude wasn’t as chipper as it usually was, considering everything that had been on his mind, but he was still happy to see Pearl sitting on the couch right next to the stairs that led up to his bedroom. It was an interesting sight, however. Pearl was reading some sort of textbook.

“Uhh, hey Pearl.” Steven said curiously, trying to evoke a response from the pale gem.

She looked up, blushing slightly and immediately closing the book she had. “Steven! Hello! How are you?”

Steven gave her a look that showed he knew she was up to something, a look she understood almost immediately. She heaved a sigh and patted her hand on the couch next to her. Steven was hesitant, but obliged her. He made his way over and plopped down beside her on the wooden, built-in sofa that the beach house had.

There was an uncomfortable silence. Steven sat there, very still, staring at Pearl and waiting. Pearl looked everywhere except in Steven’s direction as she contemplatively touched the tips of her fingers together repeatedly. Finally, she was unable to stall any longer and decided it would be better to just get it over with.

“Steven, you know I don’t normally delve into the rituals and processes of the human condition, but in this case, I have to make an exception. I’m not quite sure that Greg is going over any of this with you, and since you’re going to be growing up in some form or another, we should really go over some things.”

Steven didn’t say anything. But he sure didn’t like where this was going. His face, expressive as it was, showed this very plainly. Pearl, once again, picked up on this.

“I’ve been reading human literature on the subject, Steven. It’s… Well, it’s not exactly pleasant to learn about, but I want to prepare you for these changes, whenever they may happen. You want to be aware, don’t you?”

Steven thought for a moment about that question. Ignorance is bliss, after all. But unpreparedness is stupidity at best, fatality at worst. Of course, in his head, this was put in simpler terms.

“I probably should be, shouldn’t I? Especially considering what happened the past couple birthdays…”

Pearl nodded in agreement, adding, “Yes, your birthdays tend to be a bit traumatic in terms of aging. But at least you know how you’ll grow up! Do you remember how that felt? You know, two birthdays ago?”

Steven recalled the event like it happened yesterday. One doesn’t forget nearly dying, no matter how often it might happen. However, Steven wasn’t really concerned about dying. He was more concerned about how he felt about each incarnation of him as he was getting older. He remembered the facial hair that grew out. He detested it, and the thoughts of it made him want to retch. His grip on the stuffed bear he had tightened as he hugged the animal for dear life.

“Pearl, I don’t like thinking about it…”

She put a supportive hand on his shoulder. “I know, Steven, that wasn’t fun for any of us. But that’s how you’ll grow up! Hopefully, when you’re ready this time. And if it happens gradually, like we think it will, then there are some things to look forward to that you might not remember.”

Steven’s heart was already racing with panic. “Like… Like what, Pearl?” he said, as if he were a patient in a hospital who’d been given a grim prognosis.

“Well, for starters, that little bit of stubble you got is going to fill out. If you don’t want a beard, soon you’ll be shaving. And that hair doesn’t stop there, it will grow out all over your body. Your arms, your chest, your legs, your uhm… You know… The thing all human boys have.”

Steven stared straight ahead, holding his bear with his left hand. On his right, his fingers were forming a claw around a tight knot of fabric he had made in one of the cushions. Of course, he still didn’t know his own strength, and slowly but surely, he began tearing a piece off. It was slow enough, however, that Pearl didn’t notice, so she continued her lesson in biology.

“Your voice will change too, Steven. It will get deeper, and before you know it you’ll sound just like your father. You’ll also grow into your body a bit more. With all the training we do, you’ll be quite a handsome man…”

She trailed off, not sure if she should go into detail about anything beyond what she had already said. Steven had started sweating and almost looked as pale as she did. This of course was a bit worrying, but she thought it was natural for Steven to be scared of changes his body would be going through as a growing boy. She didn’t expect him to be so flighty about it, however.

Steven quickly stood up, letting go of both the bear and the sofa, and wiping the sweat off his brow. Learning all of this made him sick. He thought he might throw up, and still he didn’t understand why. Why was he so scared about something that happens to every human boy eventually? He didn’t know. But he was certain he didn’t want it to happen to him.

“Ok, thanks Pearl, I’m gonna go for a walk right now please don’t follow me I need some time alone bye!”

He said all of that extremely quickly, not wanting to hear anything else Pearl had to tell him. It would just make him feel worse. As soon as he started his sentence, he was already halfway out the door, however. When his feet stopped touching wood and started touching sand, he broke out into a sprint, leaving a trail of sweat and tears on the small, eroded pebbles under his feet. Everything was happening so fast, much too fast for him to even begin to know how to feel. He had to talk to someone, he had to speak with Sadie about everything. She might understand. She was the only person to see his act at Beach-a-palooza as something not funny, not hurtful, but actually positive.

Pearl was, understandably, very worried about Steven. She tried to call after him, but he was gone before she could even get his full first name out. She knew it was scary, but she didn’t think it was a huge deal. If anything, she thought Steven might be excited about this. He was excited about everything else, why would this be different?

She wandered around the beach house, unsure of exactly what she did wrong. It was then that she noticed the ripped sofa cushion.

“Oh my stars, Steven… What has gotten into you…?” she wondered aloud before she picked up the stuffed animal that Steven left behind and walked up the stairs into the child’s bedroom. Pearl was hoping to find some kind of clue, a picture maybe, possibly a horror movie about a child growing into a monster. She could never be sure with him. Heck, maybe it was his hormones kicking in. That might be it, she was so concerned about him growing up that maybe it was starting right before her eyes.

Pearl set the bear down on Steven's bed, letting it rest with its head on one of his pillows. She almost put the nagging thoughts she was having to bed as well before she noticed Steven’s closet door was open. Thinking she had figured out the issue, she almost ignored it outright, but Pearl was a curious gem. Maybe a trait she picked up from Rose after spending so much time together, but a trait she bore nonetheless. She figured it couldn’t hurt to snoop a little bit if it meant knowing Steven was alright, so she opened the slatted door.

“Is… Is this Connie’s? No, it’s much to garish… I’ve also never seen Connie dress like this, she's never even shown off her midriff before, so this can’t be hers.” She held up the blue skirt and top and checked for any kind of name on the tags. She didn’t find any such thing, but she did happen to notice the size. If she was correct, then this number would fit Steven to a T. She chuckled at the thought for a moment, picturing Steven in anything other than his pink tee-shirt, jeans, and flip flops.

But that idea brought up another thought that began to eat at Pearl. Most, if not, all humans liked to change up their outfits almost every day. Even Greg had an array of clothes that he changed regularly. But with Steven, it was only the star shirt, jeans, and flip flops. When it got cold, he had a coat and boots, but he never once expressed any interest in expanding upon his look. And considering who Steven was as a person, that was slightly peculiar.

Slowly, the pieces were coming together. Pearl knew Steven was uneasy when they discussed puberty only a few moments ago, but seeing the ripped couch cushion, she started realizing how upset it made him. And then the outfit in Steven’s closet, the few pieces of clothing that were different from anything else he wore. Surely it meant something important to him. Maybe it was more important than she realized.

OoOoO

Steven had arrived at Sadie’s house successfully, only having to stop twice due to his growing anxiety about this whole ordeal. Both times, he had to rely on Garnet’s meditation techniques that he learned only a few weeks prior. These were all just thoughts, they couldn't hurt him. He rang Sadie’s doorbell and heard her voice ring out over the chime.

“Come on in! It’s unlocked!”

Steven took another deep breath and stepped through the threshold into his friend’s home. He gulped and began mentally preparing what he was going to tell her, something he should have been doing on the way. But who could blame him? He had never experienced anything like this before. Most of his problems, aside from the feeling of resentment that sometimes plagued him, were very concrete. He and the gems could poof and bubble those problems. But this isn't one of those problems.

“Hey Steven!” Sadie said happily as she rounded the corner into the entryway. Her smile slowly faded when she saw his unusually dour expression. He looked near the verge of tears.

“Oh my gosh, Steven, what happened? Is everything al-” she was interrupted by a sudden embrace from the sad little boy who entered her house not moments ago. And the tears started flowing with zero signs of stopping any time soon. Sadie let out a kind of frightened sigh and held her friend.

“It’s ok, buddy, I got you…” They stayed like that for several minutes before the tears finally slowed and Steven was actually able to talk. He sniffled a few times before he did so.

“Sadie, I’m s-sorry for Beach-a-palooza… It wasn't f-f-fair for me to do… to do that to you…”

Sadie smiled a little, but was still concerned. “Oh that's what this is about? Steven, it's ok, I'm mostly over it. Besides, you stepped in for me and did a great job! No harm done, ok?”

He pulled away from Sadie to look her in the eye. “So… so you didn't think it was offensive or… Or funny?”

She looked confused. “What? No, you saved me, Steven. Going on stage like… Well, like that, it just isn't who I am. I need to be true to myself.”

Steven couldn't get his next thought as quickly as he wanted. “Everyone needs to be true to themselves, right?”

Sadie looked a bit puzzled. “Well, yeah, I can agree with that… Steven, something else is bothering you, isn't it?” Steven remained silent. Sadie gave him a concerned look and spoke up again. “Steven, head downstairs into my room. Make yourself comfortable, I’ll be down in a minute. We can do whatever you want, ok? We can talk about what's on your mind, or we can just chill out and watch some old horror movies, ok? No pressure, we can do whatever you want. My mom isn't home, so you don't have to worry about anyone else, it will just be Steven and Sadie tonight. How does that sound?”

Steven’s panicked breaths slowed and he actually smiled. A small smile, as it were, but a smile nonetheless. “That sounds good…”

Sadie ruffled his hair and sent him downstairs while she went into the kitchen and started making some hot chocolate for the both of them.

Steven couldn't feel his legs as he moved down the stairs. He leaned against the wall to keep upright, but it didn't help the feeling in his stomach. He thought he might throw up, but he couldn't do that to Sadie. She just let him into her house with next to no notice and was now making hot cocoa for him. Throwing up on her floor wouldn't be the nicest way of showing his appreciation. Not if he was going to drop a bombshell like he had planned. That would just be bad manners.

He somehow managed to make his way to Sadie’s bed and sat down on the comforter. He sat upright briefly before falling backwards and letting his head rest, eyes on the ceiling. It reminded him of how he was situated in Rose’s room earlier that day. He even had the same thoughts running through his head.

There he remained until Sadie came down with a tray with two mugs situated on top. They were filled with hot chocolate and topped with enough whipped cream to coat an entire pumpkin pie. On the rare occasion that Steven ordered a drink from The Big Donut, he would get hot chocolate with extra whipped cream. It flattered Steven that she remembered and cared enough to do this for him.

She approached the bed and set the tray down on the night stand. “Okay, Steven, this should help whatever you're feeling. And once you're comfortable, we can do whatever you want. I could even dig up my old console and we could play some video games.”

Steven had already started drinking the hot chocolate. It warmed him enough to take the edge off and leave him with a smile. It wasn't a super happy smile, more of a reluctant one. As though he thought this moment of solace was fleeting and extremely temporary. But he appreciated it, in any case. After taking a large sip that emptied half of the mug, he motioned for Sadie to sit next on the bed next to him. She took her mug with both hands and sat, waiting patiently.

“Sadie, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I can't keep this on my chest any longer. I don't know who else to talk to about this, and with reactions I got after Beach-a-palooza, I feel like maybe what I feel is wrong…”

Sadie took a few petite sips and waited for him to continue. Steven got off the bed and started nervously pacing around the room as he spoke.

“Let’s go over this in order… Ok, so a while ago, I tried to push you into performing at Beach-a-palooza and I treated you badly. We've gone over that, and I'm sorry. But wearing that costume, having the makeup on, dancing like that, I felt… Free. To put it in words, it felt like my whole life, I had been under water. And in that moment, I came up to breathe for the first time. And now that it’s over, I'm starting to drown…”

Sadie put her drink down and stared at Steven, very concerned for his wellbeing. Was he saying what she thought he was saying?

“After the concert, when I walked back to the temple, people said I was funny. And it hurt me. It wasn't funny to me, it felt amazing. And then Lars told me he thought I was doing something offensive, but it’s not supposed to be! And I think that might be part of why he doesn't like me, but I can't help these feelings… I tried to push them away, but I can't, Sadie… and I don't know what to do about it… I feel wrong. I don't think I'm supposed to be this way, and I can't fix it… I just want to be happy the way I am! I probably sound crazy to you…”

Steven stared at Sadie for the first time since he started his tirade and noticed she was smiling. It was a sweet smile. One that made him feel a little at ease. She gestured for him to come sit on her bed again, and he did. She grabbed his hands and stared at him in the eyes.

“Steven, I'm going to ask you a question. It might be a hard question to answer, it might be easy. There's no wrong answer, and no matter what you say, I will still be your friend. Think really carefully, ok? And remember that there aren't any judgements down here in my bunker. Also don't think about what anyone else would want. This is about you, ok? Are you ready?”

Steven nodded slowly. Sadie took a deep breath before she began.

“Steven. If by some manner of magic or wonder you were given the chance to have been born as a girl, would you do it?”

Steven stared at Sadie for a few moments, unsure he heard her correctly. But he had. And the thoughts started coming full force.

Sadie kept the sweet smile on her face as she watched Steven slowly coming to grips with everything. His expression remained unchanging for quite a while. She knew he was really thinking this one through properly. That was fine. It was a tough question. He could take all the time he needed.

A couple minutes went by and Steven, though his expression was the same, was crying. His cheeks were warm, red, and soaking wet. Sadie saw it all happen fairly quickly and figured the best course of action was to hold him. She put her arms around him and pulled him close.

“Yeah, I would…” he said in a whisper, his voice catching multiple times.

Sadie just held tighter. “Shh… it’s ok, Steven. Everything is going to be ok. Promise.”

OoOoO

Back at the temple, Pearl was sitting on Steven’s bed, staring at the feminine ensemble she discovered in his closet. She had lain it out on the mattress and kept looking it over, trying to wrap her head around it. She had a few ideas, but couldn't expand on them without any more information. Some of the thoughts she was having upset her.

After having sat there for almost an hour, the familiar sound of the temple door opening had awoken her from the trance she was in. She looked over and saw Amethyst’s lilac colored hair bouncing up and down as she quickly made her way to the refrigerator. The purple gem didn't notice Pearl, which under any other circumstance would have been just fine. But Pearl needed to talk this out with someone.

“Amethyst,” she called out, nonchalantly, “can you come take a look at this?”

Amethyst’s hands were full of food, so she kicked the refrigerator door closed gently with her foot. “Pearl, come on, I'm starving, can I eat first?”

“Amethyst, please…” she continued, her normal voice beginning to waver, “It’s about Steven.”

That was enough to get Amethyst to put her lunch down on the counter and come see what was up.

“Whoa, chill Pearl. You sound like he died or something. Wait, Pearl, did he…?”

Pearl waved the notion off. “No no, nothing like that. Look, earlier I tried to have a discussion with him about human puberty. How his body would change and he would slowly start to become an adult male. It was… Well, to be frank, it was an odd conversation. Awkward, naturally, but every mention of body hair and deep voices made him look worse. Like I was hurting him…”

Amethyst wasn't quite sure how to respond. She just nodded, waiting for Pearl to continue.

“Toward the end of that discussion, he got up and left rather abruptly. He said he needed to take a walk, which is understandable. But after he left, I noticed he did that to the couch.”

Pearl gestured down toward the sofa they were sitting on earlier, where Steven nervously tore a large gash into one of the cushions. Amethyst eyed it on her way up the stairs, concern starting to show in her face. She turned to meet Pearl’s gaze, but caught sight of the outfit on the bed. Her concern mixed with confusion.

“After the whole ordeal, I found this in his closet. Amethyst, whatever this outfit is, it means a great deal to him. And with this and his behavior, I'm not sure exactly what's happening to our little boy…”

Amethyst hopped up onto the bed next to Pearl. She brushed her hand over the light blue fabric of the skirt.

“Well…” she started, thinking out loud, “Maybe he's not our little boy.”

Pearl let out a small chuckle. “Yes, Amethyst, Steven is a girl and every doctor and medical textbook we've consulted has been lying to us about human reproductive organs. You cracked the case.”

“Yo, P, cut it with the sarcasm for a minute, let me walk through this. I have an idea… Just hear me out, ok?”

Pearl smiled smugly, a face that said this should be good, and made a gesture as though she zipped her lips. Amethyst rolled her eyes. She hopped down from Steven’s loft and onto the sofa below, then hopped up and started walking around as she talked.

“OK, so like, Steven is a gem. And a human. And we know about gems and humans, but separately. So this could be a hybrid thing, but what exactly is it? He's not transforming, I don't think, I mean, he would have freaked out if his uh… downstairs… just kinda disappeared. So it’s not physical… OH so then maybe that's the problem! Pearl, you said he freaked out when you were telling him how he was going to grow up, right?”

Pearl nodded, but remained silent, the worry on her face growing. She didn't like where this was going.

“So, like, I'm racking my brain here, but can you think of a single gem that hasn't been feminine? I mean, so Jasper isn't super girly, but most humans could definitely tell she's a girl. And every gem we ever met has been a ‘she’ you know? So that means all gems are female. And… And Steven is a gem… Oh man, Pearl, Steven is a gem and gems are girls and it all makes sense now! Steven feels like a girl and you scared him to death by telling him he's going to grow up to be a man!” 

Amethyst smiled, having cracked the case. She was proud of herself, but saw Pearl’s face grow extremely upset very quickly.

“Amethyst, you might be right…” she said quietly. “We obviously don't want to push him in any direction with this, but your observations seem to be the most likely scenario. And that's likely a bad thing…”

Amethyst let out a pained groan and fell backward onto the couch below Pearl. “Ugghhh Pearl, it’s ok if I'm right sometimes, you know? You don't have to get so upset every time I beat you to the punch.”

Pearl waved the notion away yet again. “No, Amethyst, I'm proud of you for figuring this out, it’s just… If you're right… If Steven really is a girl in a boy's body and is about to go through puberty… Well, then we don't know how to help him…”

Amethyst sat up and raised an eyebrow as Pearl continued.

“He is still going to go through male puberty, he will get facial hair, body hair, a flat chest and a deep voice… That's just how humans work. We can't stop him from aging like he is. So when he grows up, and I mean actually grows up, he will be devastated.”

Amethyst realised the gravity of the situation and gave the idea some thought. Steven was going to get hurt badly by the course of his own existence. And none of the gems had any idea what to do. Pearl sat on the edge of Steven’s bed and pulled the silken, feminine top to her chest and held it closely. Amethyst had suddenly lost her appetite and stayed on the couch, lost in thought. The two gems sat in silence for quite a while afterward.

OoOoO

 

Steven had cried into Sadie’s shoulder for what seemed like an eternity to the poor girl. A few times, he had tried to say something, but he couldn't form any real words in his current state. All that came out were muffled sobs consisting mostly of vowel sounds. It was ok though, no harm done. Sadie would just have to put her shirt through the wash on a higher setting. All shirt related matters aside, she was worried about Steven. She had never seen him cry this much before. Of course, it was hard to blame the kid. Realizing something like this about you is a very difficult thing for anyone to go through. Sadie decided she didn't want to make any mistakes this time, so she gently pushed herself away from Steven while still keeping her hands on his shoulders.

“Hey, Steven, it’s ok. Listen to me, everything will be fine, I want to help you. But in order to do that, I need you to try to stop crying for a bit, ok? I have an idea that might make you feel better, but you have to trust me, ok?”

Steven wiped his eyes and nodded slowly. It was easier than he thought it would be to stop crying. If he had to guess, he figured he didn't have anything left in him. It sure felt that way, in any case. Empty, numb, completely unsure about anything, but also more afraid than he had been since he thought Pearl died. His whole life was changed in a matter of seconds, all from one sentence, one idea, and he didn't know anyone else but Sadie who could help him. He couldn't bear to think about how he was going to talk to the gems about this. Human things were already weird to them, but this? This was too far. What if they stopped him from even trying to do this? That would be pretty bad. What if they didn't want to see him again? That was worse. He should know better, of course, but he was having a hard time thinking straight right now.

Sadie hopped off the bed and started digging through her closet. She and Steven had similar enough builds that he could fit into her clothes. If it worked at Beach-a-palooza, there was no reason it wouldn't work now.

Steven watched silently as garments were haphazardly thrown onto the foot of Sadie’s bed in a heap. They ranged from t-shirts and pants to blouses and skirts. She only had a few dresses, but she soon made it clear that those were free game too.

“Ok, Steven, I'm going to go upstairs and make a phone call. I have to tell one person about all this, but it’s ok! They're like you. Well, sort of, but they understand a lot better than I do.”

Steven protested. “No! Sadie, please, don't tell anybody, I'm… I'm not ready.”

Sadie shook her head. “Steven, no, listen. They're like you. Think about that. They are like you. They can help far more than I could. They know about this sort of thing, they can give you advice that I couldn’t come up with if I tried.”

She stared at Steven, hoping for some kind of confirmation, but he just looked longingly at the pile of clothes on the bed. 

“Come on, I made you hot cocoa, I'm giving you full access to my wardrobe, and I let you cry on my favorite shirt for ten minutes straight. I wouldn't do anything right now that would hurt you. You have to trust that he can help. Do you trust me?”

Steven sheepishly nodded. He had every reason to be afraid, but he believed Sadie when she said she didn't want to hurt him.

Sadie sighed in relief and gave him a smile. “Good… This is all going to work out. Anyway, while I'm up there, you change into anything you like. Even if it's not in the pile here, feel free to use it. I want to see the real you, ok? Don't dress up to impress me, dress in a way that makes you feel good. That makes you feel whole.”

Steven was sitting there, mouth agape as Sadie climbed the stairs into the kitchen. She couldn't be serious, could she? This was the most generous thing anyone had ever done for him, this had to be a joke. But then why wasn't she laughing? The answer was obvious, of course. Sadie believed Steven about everything. She didn't think he was weird or gross or funny, she just saw him as someone who needed help. She wanted him to feel comfortable and was giving him that chance. And of course he was going to take it.

Sadie closed the door to the basement behind her and pulled out her cell phone. She got to the L’s on her contact list and started making a call. It rang a few times before someone finally picked up.

“Hey, it’s me, listen, there's a situation at my house right now. I really need you to- … No, dude, this is way more important. It’s about Steven. … Yes, I know you normally don't care about Steven, but this isn't a normal situation. Not that this isn't normal! I just- … No, that's not- Oh my gosh, look, he came here in and I asked him the same question that I asked you. The one that started everything all those years ago. … Yes, that question. … No I don't know why he came to me and I didn't say anything about you beforehand. … Why would I have called you if he said no? Look, he's in my bedroom right now trying on my clothes. … Because it felt like the right thing to do! I dunno, I'm not the most experienced person in this area, you are. Look, can you just come over? … Oh thank you… I can't do this on my own. I’ll leave the door unlocked, just come downstairs. Bye!”

She ended the call and slid her phone into her pocket. Shortly after, she backed up against a wall and slid down until she was on the floor. She cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted loudly, “Steven, I’m going to stay up here until you’re ready ok? Just yell for me whenever that is!”

She got a short response from the kid, just a simple “Ok!” from the basement. Sadie remained seated on the floor for several long minutes. This day off was turning out to be as stressful as a 12 hour shift at work. But she needed to do this for Steven. He mattered to her. And with him saving the world from being destroyed or enslaved or whatever, he probably had next to no opportunities to talk about this with anybody.

While she was trying her best to de-stress, Steven was extremely nervous. He had no idea where to even begin with this world that had just been opened up to him. Part of him wanted to climb out of one of the small windows right beneath the ceiling, but he figured he was too big to fit through. Besides, a much larger part of him wanted to try this. He kept thinking about what Sadie told him. “I want to see the real you,” she said. He nodded and began going through everything.

Steven’s mind was racing as he raided Sadie's closet. It was a rush of adrenaline sure, but it also was providing him almost a sense of glee. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt as happy as he did right now. Someone was finally letting him explore and become his own person in his own way. That was all he wanted, and even though they were a family to him, the gems didn’t provide that. They were always wanting to help him train, help him figure out his powers, discover what his destiny was, and that left him very little time to actually explore his own thoughts and feelings. And when he was afforded that time, all of this happened so quickly that he thought he might lose everything. Of course, that possibility was still real, and he knew it. Yet again, he was left with questions that would remain unanswered for some time yet. It was a feeling he didn’t enjoy all that much. The uncertainty alone left him with the desire to flee Beach City and leave everyone behind. It would be easy and would ensure that none of his friends or family would chastise him for any of this. One thought, however, kept him from panicking and running away. It was something Garnet told him about, something his mother had told the fusion a long time ago. “Don’t ever question this. You already are the answer.”

There it was. The ultimate version of the phrase “be yourself.” His mother knew it, and he took it to heart. Slowly, as his outfit started coming together, a smile crept across his lips. No matter what would happen in the future, Steven knew he would be ok because his mother made sure that everyone in The Crystal Gems understood unconditional love. It would still be a difficult talk to have, he was certain, but it made it easier to refrain from running away. A deep breath entered and exited his lungs.

“Sadie!” He yelled. “I’m… I’m ready!”

Sadie descended the stairs and turned to see Steven wearing a pink polo dress that had a pleated skirt with a white belt around the waist. On his left wrist was a chunky pale-yellow bracelet, and on his feet were a pair of decidedly more feminine sandals than his usual affair. They had a white strap that went from the ankle to the toe with a brown sole. On Steven’s head was a white hairband with a yellow star. Steven does love his stars, after all.

Sadie clasped her hands together and tilted her head to the side while she let out an “Awwwww!” This caused Steven to blush and almost turn away. It was a little embarrassing, but Sadie wasn’t trying to be condescending or rude about it. She just thought Steven was cute.

“Steven, you’re adorable! I forgot I had some of that stuff, but you look great in it! But I don’t want to take this moment away from you.” She put a hand behind her head and gave her scalp a quick scratch. “How uh… How do you feel?”

The bright pink glow from Steven’s stomach answered Sadie’s question for her, but Steven couldn’t help himself. “Sadie, I feel wonderful. Like… Like this part of me that wasn’t there anymore started growing back. All of this… I mean, I can’t even begin... Thank you...” His eyes started watering for the umpteenth time today, but for the first time, they were welcome. Sadie quickly approached and gave him a hug.

“It’s ok, Steven. You don’t have to thank me, we’re friends. This is what friends do for each other. Especially when one friend has saved the Earth multiple times and basically pays your salary with the amount of donuts they buy on a regular basis… I feel like I owe you. Not that this is an obligation or anything, I just… I want my friend to be happy. Especially after all he’s done for myself and where I live.”

The two stayed silent for a moment, just hugging one another. Sadie wondered what could be going through Steven’s mind right about now. Probably how he’ll break it to the gems and how they’ll react to everything. In her opinion, they were open minded as it is, so it shouldn’t be a problem. Connie though? Connie would be Steven’s biggest hurdle. And Steven knew it as well. He liked Connie. He liked her more than just a friend. And if Steven was actually a girl, how would Connie react? Could Connie and Steven ever be more than just friends after this news came to light? Did Connie even like girls? But every bridge would have to be crossed when Steven came to it. No sooner, no later. For now, Sadie didn’t want her friend to freak out unnecessarily. She relinquished her grasp on Steven, but guided him to a chair and motioned for him to sit down.

“Steven, have a seat for a minute, we’re not quite done yet. Once we do this, I’ll bring out a mirror and you can see the new you. I promise, you’ll like it.”

Steven was nervous, but that was nothing new. Especially for a day like today. He did as he was told and took a seat in Sadie’s bean-bag chair. Sadie spent a few minutes digging around in one of her drawers before she pulled out a small bag, hair brush, and curling iron, and turned around to see Steven sitting as daintily as one could in a bean-bag chair. She smiled, surprised at how much happier Steven seemed already. It was difficult to comprehend the idea of Steven ever being unhappy, but if she were being honest, Sadie probably wouldn’t use the word “happy” to describe how her friend looked right now. She might rather use the word “content.” She approached Steven, opening her makeup bag.

“To be honest, you’re probably better at this than I am. I don’t use a whole lot of makeup, but my mom bought me enough to last a lifetime. If you want, you can just have most of this once we’re done here. Or uh… Well, I mean… After you talk to the gems probably.”

Steven sadly nodded. “I don’t know how that conversation is going to go, but I appreciate the offer. Keep it for now.”

Sadie went to work on Steven’s face and hair, and Steven sat still, enjoying the feeling of being pampered. The look on his face was one of pure bliss, expressing what he felt inside. The feeling was intense enough that he was certain his gem was glowing. But the light faded when he heard the footsteps upstairs. Immediately, he knew it was the person Sadie called. But she verified the thought.

“There he is…” she said in a whisper, before yelling up the stairs, “Hey, come on down! I'm giving Steven a makeover.”

The mystery person had already been coming down the stairs when Sadie shouted. Steven wanted to look, but was unable to with Sadie’s eyeliner pencil forcing him to look upward. But the voice gave it away almost immediately.

“Sounds like a great time, girls. But I doubt you can keep using the name ‘Steven’ after this.”

The nasally tone, the uneven gallop down the stairs, the sarcasm in his voice that was laid on thick enough that you could feel it. Steven was unable to contain his strange mix of excitement and fear, he had to see, he had to make sure. His eyes moved down to meet this newcomer’s gaze.

“...Lars…?” the words escaped his mouth slowly. Lars chuckled and held his arms out in such a way that he was presenting himself.

“The one and only.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! Between chapters, I moved up the coast to Maine. It's been stressful, but I'm getting back into writing. Anyway, this chapter used to be a lot shorter on ff.net, but I got a lot of positive feedback, so I decided to change things up a bit. I'm gonna add more chapters than what was in the original work and I'm going to scrap the open ending that the original had. Again, sorry about the wait, and even more apologies about the lack of more Heavy Metal, but I just can't get into the headspace to write more of that. Hopefully, this doesn't turn into that situation. Hope you like it!

Steven immediately backed away from Sadie’s eyeliner pencil and started panicking, expressing his thoughts slightly too loudly.

“Ahh! Uhm, Lars! This uh, it’s not what it looks like! It’s all just… Something else that isn't disrespectful! You don't have to yell at me! I can go, I don't have to be here!”

Steven was reaching for a tissue on the nearby nightstand in an attempt to wipe his face off, and he almost succeeded but just before the soft, thin cloth touched his face, Lars yelled out.

“No, wait! Don't do that, stop moving!”

Steven froze and looked at Lars with a guilty face. Though his expression changed when he realized that Lars wore the same one. It was a confusing series of moments. Slowly, Steven let go of the tissue in his hand and sank back into the chair to let Sadie continue her work. But before she could, Steven needed something cleared up.

“Sadie,” he said, loud enough for Lars to hear, “why did you bring Lars here? He doesn't even like me, he thinks this is disrespectful and wrong. He's just gonna make fun of me anyway…”

Sadie glared at Lars for a moment before turning back to Steven with a newly formed smile. “Why don't we let him tell you himself?”

Steven once again made eye contact with Lars after Sadie had finished up with both of his eyes. While she was rifling through her bag for a nice lip gloss, Lars made his way over to Sadie’s bed and took a seat. He twiddled his thumbs for a moment before beginning.

“So I guess I owe you an apology…”

Steven was glad he hadn’t been drinking his hot chocolate, as he would have spit it out right there and then. Lars apologizing? What bizarro world did he wake up in? He remained silent, however, and Lars continued.

“I know why you're on edge about me being here for this. I remember Beach-a-palooza too. I remember being so angry with you about your performance because I thought you were just making a joke. And I don't think that it’s funny at all. Had I known that you felt the same way, maybe I wouldn't have treated you so badly…”

Lars didn't look up from his fidgeting hands. He knew he didn't deserve any kind of forgiveness. He didn't even let Steven explain himself, he just assumed the worst and stormed off. That action alone could have been the reason why Steven had only just now come to terms with everything. At least, that's probably what would have happened to Lars. But Steven being Steven, it didn't matter what Lars felt he deserved.

“It’s ok, Lars. Really, I'm just glad we feel the same way about this. Everyone kept telling me how funny I was, but I didn't find anything about it funny. It was actually the happiest I had felt in a long time… The fact that everyone thought it was just some kinda joke… It hurt me.”

Lars looked up at Steven with a clenched fist. “I know it hurt you. It hurt me before too. Nobody thought it was a joke, in my case, but nobody thought I was serious. They just said ‘It's a phase, she’ll grow out of it,’ but that clearly ain't happening.”

Steven gave Lars a very confused glance. “‘She?’ Who are you talking about?”

Lars looked over at his coworker who had just pulled out a small bottle of baby pink lip gloss. She thought it might look good on Steven. Pink was his color.

“Sadie?” Lars started, “You didn't tell her?”

Lars referred to Steven with feminine pronouns and it nearly made the kid ruin the makeup job Sadie had been working on so diligently. Tears were welling up, but they were held back through great effort,

“It's not my place, Lars, you know that. It’s your business who you want to tell. I may have uh… hinted at it a little… but I never told hi- err, her, anything. Though if I'm being honest, I think now would be a good time.”

Lars was still puzzled. He looked at Steven, trying to keep a cool temperament. He didn't want Steven to get upset.

“Wait, you were in my body. You must have… well I mean, you…” he let his tongue explore his own mouth, thinking of what he wanted to say. A realization dawned on him, however. “You never looked, did you?”

Steven gestured in the negative. “Of course not. I wanted to respect your privacy… even if I went a little too far in almost every other aspect…”

Steven sheepishly looked away. If Lars didn't deserve forgiveness and got it anyway, surely they were equal by now. But Lars just chuckled.

“Man… You're a good kid. Well, if you would have checked in my pants, you would have noticed something missing… Tell me, when you were talking with my parents, did they ever call you a weird name? Like one you never heard, maybe sounded foreign?”

Steven thought for a moment before nodding. Sadie held his bobbing head still. She didn't want to mess up.

“Yeah, I remember! They called you Laramie. I was like ‘who's Laramie?’ and your mom corrected herself. I guess I never thought about it…”

Lars just nodded. “Yeah, Laramie is my deadname. That means it’s a name that I don't go by anymore. See, if you know about the origins of that name, you would know that traditionally, it’s a girl's name. When I was born, everyone thought I was a girl just because of the body I had. But I'm not a girl. You can see that pretty obviously now.”

Steven once again wore a confused look. “You were a girl…? I don't understand. You're way older than me, you should have gone through all the changes that girls go through… Shouldn't you look like Sadie or Jenny or someone?”

Lars almost got angry, but he noticed the bit of hope in Steven's voice when he was prodding. It led him to believe that Steven was scared about growing up. Just like he used to be. So he swallowed whatever insult he was about to sling.

“Normally? Yeah. I would have hips, a bust, no facial hair, and a voice like Sadie’s. But my parents were supportive. After a while, they knew I wasn't going through a phase. It… well, it took some ah, ‘convincing’ let's say. But they eventually got on board. They took me to doctors, psychologists, endocrinologists, everyone who could help me. I took pills that suppressed my puberty and then took different pills that put me through the right kind of puberty. Now, everything is… Well it’s better. They slip up on the name sometimes, but everyone takes time to adjust.”

Steven was smiling at Lars. A friendly, thankful smile. “Sadie was right, you are like me… The opposite, but still.” Steven paused, considering everything that had happened in the past few hours that assuaged his fears so quickly. “Thank you, Lars… I know you don't like me all that much, you didn't have to do this. So this really means a lot to me.” 

Lars almost blushed. He wasn't used to appreciation. He did his best to not keep that note hanging in the air. “You know, you can probably do the same. I mean, your parents are a multi-millionaire and like, three aliens who can do pretty much whatever they want. Once you decide on a new name, you could start going through the processes. Or maybe find some magic powder or something that could help. I uhm… I'm not sure if the gems know about something that could fix most if this magically.”

Steven didn't know if they did either, but he was much more interested in the other prospect that Lars had proposed. Sadie had to keep Steven’s hand still while she applied nail polish that matched the lip gloss, and the excited tremors were making it pretty difficult.

“I get to have a new name…?” Steven asked.

Lars grinned. “Well sure! Weren't you listening earlier? I don't go by Laramie anymore, do I? If you don't wanna go by Steven anymore, you could go by Claire, or Belinda or something. Whatever you want. Do you have a name in mind?”

Steven shook his head, sadly. Of course he didn't have a name in mind, all of this happened so fast. Quickly, the ideas started dancing through his head. He wouldn't be able to figure it out immediately, but it was worth keeping in mind.

Lars gave an uncharacteristically sympathetic smile. “Hey, don't worry. Steven can be a girl’s name for now. There's no real right way to do all of this. You just have to do what's best for you, what makes you feel good. With that in mind, how do you feel so far?”

Steven was cut off before he was able to get a word out. “Wait! Don't answer that yet!” Sadie rushed into her closet and held a hand mirror to her stomach. “Steven, are you ready to see the real you?”

Steven realized what Sadie meant. He swallowed hard and nodded, both excited and fearful.

Sadie turned the mirror around and handed it to Steven, who examined it for a long time. Sadie had done a very good job. Curled hair that reminded him of his mother, just the right shade of pink on his lips and fingernails, a nice black eyeliner that made his eyes pop. Steven looked pretty. 

It was impossible to stop the tears this time, because Steven didn't see himself in the mirror. He saw her. Herself. The outside finally reflected the inside. And just like that, she could breathe again.

The smile on her face was contagious, both Lars and Sadie happily giggled.

“Well, I guess that answers that question,” Lars said. But both his and Sadie’s smiles faded when the happy tears had soured and become small sobs. Both of them were confused, unsure of what to do. Steven began talking.

“You guys… I'm really scared! I don't know how anyone else will react… What if the gems don't understand? What if my dad thinks I'm weird? What about Connie…? Will any of them still like me?”

Lars was about to speak up, but Sadie beat him to it. “Steven, the gems all seem to love you like crazy. I was working the day they took all the cookie cats because they heard they were going to stop making them. You told me about when you couldn't stop floating, and they stayed with you all night. They would love you no matter what.”

That made Steven smile slightly. Lars spoke up next.

“Dude, your rockstar dad fell in love with an alien and had a magical space child with her. I think he can handle this no problem.”

Steven’s smile grew, but faltered when she realized she had no clue how Connie would react, and she was the biggest variable. Sure, deep down she knew his dad and the gems would be fine, if a little confused at first. But she ran an actual risk with Connie. She told her she wanted to be a part of her universe, but this was different. Steven had very strong romantic feelings for her friend that she hoped were reciprocated. But if Steven was a girl, what would Connie do? Could they ever truly be together after this? Steven was worried and her face showed it to the world. But a few comforting hands found their way onto her shoulders.

“Steven,” Lars told her, standing next to Sadie, “When I came out to my family, my best friend was there with me.” he placed his free hand on Sadie, who smiled. “If you want, we can both be there when you come out to yours.”

Steven’s smile returned briefly, but concern was on her mind. “Do I have to tell them all at once…?” she asked.

Lars shook his head. “Not at all. You can handle this however you want. Why, did you have the first person in mind already?”

Steven nodded. “Yeah… Yeah I do… Can you guys drive me to the car wash?”

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

Greg Universe was laying in the back of his van counting the money he made from washing cars that day. Of course he was a multi-millionaire due to receiving royalties that were legally owed to him from a fast food restaurant using his song for a commercial so he wasn't exactly living paycheck to paycheck, but he still liked the feeling of counting out the bills he earned from a hard day’s work.

“Whoa,” he exclaimed to himself, “who tipped me a two dollar bill? That's so cool! This is definitely going into Steven’s allowance, he loves stuff like this.” He set the bill aside and continued counting his wages.

This time of day was the most relaxing part for Greg. His deceased wife (though they never technically married) was an alien war criminal, her friends are all aliens who are dealing with the ramifications of that, and she somehow became her own son who was now at least half alien. To top it off, his son now went on crazy adventures with his wife’s friends that occasionally would lead to bad aliens attacking the town, scaring the residents, and on one occasion, getting him kidnapped. So it was nice to feel like a normal guy every night for a brief period of time. Just an average Joe counting his tip money from his regular job in a regular town.

He sighed as he finished counting his money and laid down on the floor of his van. Seventy-five bucks. That's what he made that day. It wasn't a lot, and it made him glad he was rich. Even if he didn't spend frivolously now, he had room for some small expenditures. For instance, putting a two dollar bill aside for his son. He knew how much Steven appreciated rare oddities like that. Greg supposed he got that from his mother. Rose was excited for almost everything. From the most intricate, beautiful songs to regular plastic bags caught on the wind, Rose regarded everything with the same sense of wonder.

Before Greg could turn a daydream into a regular dream, he was roused by the sound of a knock on the back door of his van. It sounded like it came from right above his rear bumper, which usually meant Steven had come to visit. To his surprise, however, Steven was not there when he opened the door.

“Oh! Uh, hello Mr. Universe! I don't know if you remember me, I work at the Big Donut-” Sadie was cut off by Greg waving the notion away with his hand.

“Nonsense, you're Sadie! Barb’s girl. C'mon, how could I forget you? And you!” He looked over at Lars with his mouth open, about to say something, but was unable to form any words.

“You're ah… Umm… Hrmm…”

On any other occasion, Lars would make a big show of this situation. He would act standoffish and offended that Mr. Universe didn't remember him. But he kept his impolite thoughts to himself and helped Greg out.

“I'm Lars, Sadie’s friend and coworker. You might have seen me working with her once or twice.”

Greg scratched a nonexistent itch on the back of his neck. “Oh right! Of course! Lars! How could I forget?”

His feigned memory wasn't fooling anybody, but neither Lars nor Sadie said anything. This, of course, prompted Greg to ask the obvious question after a few moments of uncomfortable silence.

“Can… Can I help you with something…?”

Sadie slapped her hand over her mouth and squeaked a bit. Her mind wandered and she almost forgot why they came here in the first place. She would scold herself later, but for now, it was time to get down to business.

“Well Mr. Universe… We wanted to talk to you about Steven…”

The way she said it made Greg extremely uneasy.

“What about him…? Did something happen? Do we need the gems?!”

Lars raised his hands toward Greg. “Whoa, easy, Steven’s okay. We wouldn’t come to you like this if Steven were in any kind of danger.”

Greg breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh you kids… You’re killin’ me here… So if he’s okay, then what’s this all about?”

Sadie stayed quiet for a while before sitting on the van’s rear bumper and letting out a deep breath. Lars stood nearby, but kept his arms folded in front of his chest. He looked off to the side, looking down toward the side of the van. Greg assumed that Lars didn't want to be here. Either that or there was something extremely interesting on one of Greg’s tires.

“Mr. Universe, how much do you love Steven…?”

Greg's attention was pulled away from Lars by Sadie, who asked that very heavy question.

“What do you mean…? He's my son. I love him more than anything on the planet! Heck, I'm not the only one. That kid has enough contagious enthusiasm to make the whole of Delmarva sick with giddiness. So I would say I love Steven as much as someone could ever love somebody. Kind of a weird question, Sades, what are you driving at?”

Sadie ignored Greg’s question and continued with her own.

“Can you tell me why you love Steven? Why you care so much about him…?”

She stuttered on the last word, knowing that she didn't want to give anything away to Greg but also not wanting to invalidate Steven’s feelings.

“Because he’s my son! My kid! The greatest gift ever given to me by his mother. He's a great kid too! He helps everyone he can, he tries to stay out of trouble, I don't think he even knows drugs are an option and I'm incredibly grateful for that. Steven’s the best son a father could ask for. Why are you asking me all this, Sadie? You're weirding me out a little, what gives?”

Sadie again didn't answer. “Greg, what if Steven wasn't your son?”

Greg’s face slowly contorted from an expression of surprise, to confusion, then to one of raw anger.

“Sadie, I really don’t like what you’re insinuating.”

Lars finally looked over, noticed Greg’s furious stare, and pulled Sadie from the Van’s bumper, inserting himself between her and Greg. Greg stayed in the van, but continued talking to the (now frightened) coworkers.

“Now you listen here, you two. You’ve got a lot of nerve coming to my home and telling me you don’t think Steven is my son. Sure, his mother was a lot of things, but a cheater she was not. Not like that, not after what we did together. Obviously, she had some jealous people who wanted me out of her life, but it never happened. And I know that Rose only had eyes for one human back then, and that was me. I don’t appreciate you two coming here and telling me that my dead wife was unfaithful!”

Sadie tried several times to interrupt while Greg was talking, but thought it best that she let him get it all out before continuing. “Uhm, Mister Universe, that’s not exactly what we were saying…”

“Well what exactly _are_ you saying?” he spat.

Sadie was much too nervous at this point to come out and say it, but Lars had about enough of all of this and decided to rip the bandage off.

“Oh for the love of- Greg, we’re not saying Steven isn’t _your_ son, we’re saying that Steven isn’t your _son._ ”

Greg sported a look of utter confusion for a few silent seconds before Sadie spoke up again. “Erm… Steven came to my house earlier and we had a talk about beach-a-palooza… Specifically Steven’s act in the show. The whole experience sort of opened Steven’s eyes to something that they had been keeping buried for a while now…”

Greg’s face slowly went back to normal and he was quiet, mulling over what the young adults had just told him. “... Does Steven know you’re here?”

Sadie, peeking out from behind lars, nodded. “We offered to come with Steven and offer any support we could while they came out to people.”

Greg raised an eyebrow. “You said you came _with_ Steven? So he’s here now then.”

Lars scoffed. “Nice goin’, Sades. Yeah, Steven’s here.”

Lars wrenched his neck around the van and started talking. “I think it’s okay. He doesn’t seem upset about any of this, just a misunderstanding. It’ll be alright, I promise.”

Lars and Sadie took a few steps back, and shortly thereafter, Greg saw a morose teenage girl walk into the picture. He almost didn’t recognize her at first. But her familiar voice gave everything away.

“Hi Dad…” she said sheepishly, not making eye contact. She looked so sad, so afraid. It broke Greg’s heart to see his child like that.

“Kiddo…?” He reached an arm out and placed his hand on her shoulder, prompting her to look up at Greg. Once their eyes finally did meet, Steven leapt right onto Greg’s lap. After a moment of surprise, Greg’s arms shot around Steven and he held his child with a fatherly embrace as Steven started crying.

He quietly whispered to her, saying “It’s okay,” “I love you,” and one “You look so much like her…”

Sadie looked at the both of them, thinking it was the cutest thing in the world, but Lars realized how much of a private moment this was and dragged his friend away, making the decision for both of them that they should let their friend talk to her dad on her own.

 

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

The beach house was full of commotion. Mostly from Pearl. She was trying desperately to explain the situation to Garnet accurately enough that Garnet would understand and would be able to maybe put her future vision to good use so they could see the best outcome from this whole situation. Amethyst, on the other hand, stayed very silent. It was out of character for her to behave this way, but she truly felt that she had very little to offer. Were she to try, she thought she would end up making things worse. So for probably the first time in her life, she sat quietly, keeping her thoughts to herself as she listened to Pearl go over the situation once more to their teammate.

“So we believe that Steven’s gem is making it very difficult for him to adjust to a male body. He has a lot of Rose in him, and maybe it’s a bit more than we thought. Frankly, I think we should have thought of this sooner, but humans are honestly so strange that I don’t think I could have seen it coming if Rose herself had told us this could happen.”

Garnet squeezed the blue skirt that had been presented to her earlier as evidence. “Get to the point, Pearl,” she hissed through clenched teeth.

This put Pearl a little on edge. Garnet usually was able to keep it together, but she was having a hard time right about now.

“Right, well… Steven’s gem says she’s female. Steven’s body says he’s male. If Steven goes through human puberty with his current body, he’ll be extremely distressed, putting it mildly. Amethyst and I were hoping that maybe you knew how to help.”

Garnet sat on Steven’s bed, skirt in hand. With one hand, she clutched it tightly, almost tearing at the fabric, and with the other, she stroked it softly with her thumb. Gradually, she began grumbling to herself. The grumbling turned into harsh whispers, and those turned into audible words.

 

“ **He’s going to have to just get over it!** ”

“ _She won’t get over it and she’ll end up worse off for it._ ”

“ **How can he end up worse than dead?!** ”

“ _She has a better chance of staying alive if we let her decide this for herself!_ ”

“ **I WON’T LET THIS HAPPEN!** ”

 

Garnet ripped the skirt to punctuate the last sentence, the sound of which snapped her out of it. She looked around and saw Pearl and Amethyst staring at her with concern flooding their faces.

“I’m… I’m sorry… The future, it- It’s not an easy thing to accept sometimes…”

Pearl cautiously stepped forward and put a friendly hand on Garnet’s shoulder. “I know… You almost lost it there, you were starting to glow. But we’ll get through this, whatever it is, okay? We’re going to help Steven however we can, we just need you to tell us what to do.”

“That’s just it;” Garnet said, reaching a hand under her visor to wipe away a stray tear, “We can’t really do anything. The only way to help Steven is with gem methods, not human ones. The gem way is really risky.”

She brought both of her hands together and interlaced her fingers as she continued.

“Hormones and surgeries won’t do any good because Steven’s gem would just ‘heal’ his body back to the original form. Steven’s gem dictates how his body should look, but now that he’s older, he has more control over what that form his body would take. But like all gems, the only real way to change your form…”

“Is to make a new one when you regenerate…” Pearl finished the sentence, placing a hand over her own gem.

Garnet nodded and continued. “That’s right. But Steven is still part human. We’ve never had to wait for him to regenerate because he’s never been injured enough to retreat into his gem. We don’t really know if he even _can_ regenerate. My future vision shows me many paths that this could take… At best, I’d say if he were forced back into his gem, Steven would have a 50/50 chance at actually coming back…”

The room was silent. Amethyst put one hand over her mouth and had begun desperately grabbing at her own hair with the other. Garnet remained as she was, both hands holding one another as she tried desperately to keep things together. But Pearl was unable to cope so quickly or so easily.

“N-no, Garnet, that… That can’t be right, you have to be mistaken… Steven is going to be j-just fine, we just have to… We need to just… We can…”

But she had no answers. She slowly backed away from both Garnet and Amethyst before she took off out the door in a full sprint, nearly tearing the door off its hinges as she did so. Amethyst got up and began to reach out for her, but Garnet raised a hand.

“No, Amethyst… Let her go. It’s better if she works this out on her own…”

Finally, after staying silent throughout this discussion, Amethyst spoke up.

“For Steven’s sake, I really hope you’re right…”

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

Things had died down at Greg’s van. While both Steven and Greg were still hugging one another, the tears had stopped and some more open conversation was happening.

“I can’t believe you thought I would ever stop loving you, kiddo. Especially over this! Like maybe if you killed someone, then things might get shaky, but this is nothing! Err, well, not _nothing_ exactly, just nothing to get worked up over. So you’re a girl, that’s fine! Your mother and I both said we’d love you no matter what gender you came out as, and nothing’s changed since then.”

Steven held tighter to her father. “Would you still love me even if I didn’t want to be Steven anymore?”

Greg laughed. “Of course I would still love you. Heck, your mom would probably love you even more. Her favorite thing about humans was how we grow and change. With this, you kinda knock those two things out of the park in one hit.”

He kissed his new daughter on the top of the head. Steven giggled and then sighed. “I just wish I knew what to call myself… Part of me thinks that I should call myself Rose, but I think that would be a mistake. I wouldn’t want to make anybody uncomfortable.”

Greg gave it a quick thought before tossing an idea out into the air. “You know… If you were born a girl, your mother and I _did_ have a name in mind…”

Steven let go of her father and made confused eye contact before the idea hit her like a ton of bricks.

“...Nora… Nora. Nora!” She said it over and over again, liking the sound of it with every repetition. She stood up in the van and had almost started bouncing around with how excited she was. The volume of the “Nora” chant coupled with the sight they were witnessing prompted Lars and Sadie to stroll back over.

“Looks like you two got everything sorted out,” Sadie said, relieved for her friend.

“Sadie! Lars! I’m Nora now! I’m Nora!” she seemed so elated, it was almost a bit contagious. Even Lars couldn’t help but smile.

“That’s great! I’m glad you figured out the whole name situation. It took Lars forever.” she elbowed Lars playfully in the hip, and Lars retaliated with a ruffling of her hair. As she fixed it, she gave Lars the evil eye, to which he responded with a smirk and an outstretched tongue.

“I’m really sorry for the misunderstanding, you two… But seriously? You should work on your phrasing next time. It would have saved us all some trouble…” Greg scratched the back of his neck.

Lars sucked in air through his clenched teeth. “Yeah… You’re probably right about that. We’ll keep that in mind for next time. Which is pretty soon, right Nora?”

Nora hopped out of the van with a gasp. “You’re right! Ughhh, I was so happy that Dad took things well that I forgot he wasn’t the only one we have to talk to… I guess we’ll do the gems next and then save Connie for last…”

Greg, seeing his daughter go from ecstatic to full of dread in only a matter of seconds, decided to offer his help. He stepped out of the van and onto the pavement.

“Y’know, kiddo, I don’t think the gems are gonna be too upset about the change. Just like me, all they want is to make sure you’re happy and safe. I’m sure they’ll love Nora just as much as they love Steven.”

With the last sentence, he picked up Nora and gave her a squeeze, to which she responded with a giggle and then returned the hug.

After placing Nora down on the ground, Greg gave her a kiss on the top of the head for good measure and offered to help with the upcoming talk with the gems.

“I appreciate the offer, Dad,” Nora said, “but I think I have to talk to them myself. I need to show them that I can do things on my own. If you’re there, they might get the wrong idea.”

“Oh, I get it. Wait, but what about Sadie and… Lex…?”

Lars stared daggers into Greg as Steven corrected him. “It’s Lars, Dad. And they’re coming with me, but they’re gonna have to wait outside the house.”

“Aw, what?” Sadie exclaimed. “I thought we were going to help you come out to everyone you wanted to come out to!”

“You are!” Nora replied. “But the gems need to hear this coming from me, not you two. We told Dad first because no matter what happens, he’ll always be here to back me up.”

Greg smiled. “That’s right, Kiddo. Any treatments, surgeries, medicine, whatever you need, it’s on me. All that money is just burning a hole in my bank account anyway, and I can’t think of a better use to put it toward.”

Nora smiled and yet another hug was had between father and daughter before the group of Nora, Lars, and Sadie all set off toward the beach house. It usually wasn’t that long of a walk, but the way the setting sun cast long shadows on everything made it seem like the beach stretched on forever. Nora was on Lars’ shoulders after Lars lost a battle of wills (Nora was just too cute and vulnerable right now, he couldn’t say no when she asked for a piggyback ride. Besides, it’s not like it was the first time). Sadie was giggling at the spectacle, and though Lars was very vocal about hating every moment of this, he still kept Nora on his shoulders. It warmed Sadie’s heart to see.

Almost as soon as their feet touched sand, they heard a familiar voice calling out a name that they were hoping to not have to hear again.

“Steven…?” the voice said. Everyone’s head turned to see Pearl, on the sand, knees drawn up to her chest, hair a mess and eyes as red as a ruby.

This was not how Nora wanted things to happen. But surprises are seldom planned for.

“Uhhh… Hi Pearl…” She said, slowly climbing down from Lars. Her voice was filled with both trepidation and concern. Why did Pearl look like somebody had died?

“Steven… You look very… Very nice…” she wiped her eyes and tried desperately to fix her unkempt hair.

“Pearl, are you okay…?” Nora slowly approached her.

There was a moment of silence before Pearl answered. “Steven, we… Well, we know. Amethyst, Garnet, and I, we all know about the feelings you’re having regarding your gender… I found the blue outfit you had in your closet and we pieced things together from there. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snoop, but I was so worried when you left this afternoon. I had to know you were okay, so I looked for any clue I could find, and when I found it-” she cut herself off before she started crying again.

Nora took a small step back. The breach in trust was a little off-putting, but Pearl meant well. Maybe this was as good a time as any to bring up the burning question.

“So… What do you think…?” Nora looked up at Pearl hopefully, and was met with a tired smile.

“You look just like your mother… But that’s all the more reason that you can’t go beyond this.”

Nora stepped back even more. “W-what do you mean…?”

“I mean, Steven, that you have to continue to be male. You have to grow up male. We can’t risk the alternative, so you just… We’ll all help you to deal with it, okay? Just please don’t do this to us, Steven.”

At this point, Lars took several angry steps toward Pearl and placed himself in between the two gems.

“Her name is Nora, and you don’t get to make that decision.”

Pearl was briefly taken aback, but snapped out of it and stood her ground. “Excuse me? Just who do you think you are, donut boy?”

“I’m someone who tried doing what you’re suggesting, and it doesn’t work out like you think!”

Pearl scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Oh please, you humans and your genders, honestly it’s so ridiculous, none of it even matters!”

“Maybe not to you, but do you think maybe that’s because you’re not even from this planet?! Do you know what I had to go through when people had me convinced that I couldn’t be a man? Depression, anxiety, self-harm, and more than one attempt at suicide. Do you want your niece to go through that? Because she will if you try to force a gender onto her like this.”

Sadie had stepped forward, next to Lars. “Is this about money? Because Mr. Universe already said he’d pay for everything. Hormones, surgery, medication, he’s gonna foot the bill.”

“Ugh, you don’t have any idea what this is about! Steven can’t have human surgery or human medication or human hormones because he. Is. Not. _Human!_ ”

“Her name is NORA!” Lars screamed, increasingly frustrated.

Pearl spat back, “FINE! NORA! For Nora to have a female body, female features, female _anything,_ she would have to reform, which involves being hurt badly enough that she retreats into her gem and comes back out once she’s better. We don’t even know if she can do that! The odds of her coming back at all are fifty-fifty. A flip of a coin. And I will _not_ put my baby in harm’s way with those odds.”

Sadie spoke up instead of Lars, who was still fuming. “I may be out of line here, ma’am, but that’s up to Nora, isn’t it? I don’t think that’s your choice to make. After all, it’s not your gem, it’s not your body, it’s hers.”

“It doesn’t matter if her gem belongs to her, she’s still my baby! Would you put your loved ones in danger for a fifty percent chance that it might turn out marginally better than the current situation?”

Tears were stinging the corners of Pearl’s eyes, but Lars was undeterred. “I would let them make that choice on their own because I wouldn’t wish anything that I went through on my worst enemy, let alone someone as nice and empathetic as Nora! It should be her choice!”

“NONE OF THIS IS ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS!” Pearl screamed at the two teenagers with enough rage that even Jasper would have taken a step back. “This isn’t your choice either…” She said, bringing her voice down. “Now, I will be taking Steven home and we will talk about this _privately._ Steven?”

She looked beyond Lars and Sadie and saw no one.

“Uh… Nora?” Sadie asked, also noticing nobody was there.

Lars took in their surroundings and noticed two pairs of footprints that came to where they were now, and one set of footprints heading back to the street. Quickly he pulled out his phone and went to the N’s, only to discover Nora wasn’t on his contact list. Well of course she wasn’t, he didn’t update his contacts since they visited Greg. He scrolled down to the S section and also couldn’t find Steven, realizing that he never had added that number to his contacts. Quickly, he swiped Sadie’s phone from her pocket and dialed Steven.

It rang for what seemed like an eternity. And all he got was a voicemail.

“Nora, it’s Lars, where did you run off to? We- HEY!”

The phone was wrestled from his hands by Pearl, who did so very easily.

“Steven? Steven, it’s Pearl, you need to come home, okay? We’ll talk about this, everything will be okay, alright?”

She sounded worried. Very upset. Maybe even a little afraid. As Pearl continued talking, the phone vibrated. It was a text.

**"Steven-mobile:**

**I love you. Tell Lars I love him too. Don’t look for me. I’m sorry."**


End file.
